Sunday, December 20, 2009

The freezer's empty

This picture makes me a little sad and at the same time it makes my heart beat a little faster with nervousness. This freezer used to be full to the top of frozen milk for the kids and was actually overflowing into another freezer. When the kids were still in the NICU, we had to purchase another standing freezer because we were running out of room to store both food and milk. I knew at one point that we would use the surplus of milk I had created. And we were intentional about using it before it would expire. For months we added the frozen milk to the food and cereal the kids were eating. I started my journey not knowing whether I wanted to breastfeed twins during my pregnancy, uncertain of whether it was "right" for me or if I would be up for the challenge. My whole world changed on April 2. When the nurse came in at midnight wheeling a breast pump behind her and said "We are going to give this a try." I said "Okay." Maybe I wasn't thinking clearly due to all the Mag Sulfate I was on. It probably would have been an entirely different turnout if she hadn't been so adamant. I spent hours in the nursery by myself, pumping while the kids were in the hospital - it was the best gift I had to offer them. I was blessed with abundance. Almost 9 months old and I am still nursing them. Now it's my goal to just go as long as I can. I'd love to be able to provide for them until they can have cow's milk. But knowing the freezer is empty and it's up to me...that's what makes me a little nervous. I'll keep getting rest, drinking water, and taking in extra calories. We'll ride it as long as we can.

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