Thursday, April 16, 2009

Empty

My bed...

For a few months our full size bed had pillows on both sides of me to support my growing belly and provide more restful sleep. Between a cat, extra pillows, Shannon, and me getting bigger, our bed got smaller and smaller. And then I came home from the hospital and the bed seemed quite empty.

The crib in the nursery...

I spend many hours in the nursery these days, rocking and making food for my babies who aren't home yet. Step by step, the nursery is getting closer to being ready to welcome our bundles. Right now, there are things in the crib that need to be sorted and put in drawers. Sheets are washed and ready to be put on the bed. But sometimes it is a little lonely at 3:30am while I rock and look at that empty crib.

My belly...

Just when I was getting used to having a belly full of two babies! Yes, I couldn't bend over to tie my shoes, yes I couldn't see my feet, yes it was uncomfortable to sleep, yes it was often a shelf for crumbs to fall on as I ate, yes it drew attention, yes it was convenient to rest my arms there as I sat. But there is something about having something living and breathing inside you. There is a connection when you feel every little movement. And with Sara, most of the time they weren't little! I miss having them in there and knowing we had that constant connection. I know we will develop that in a new way and it has already started. But when I get comments about how Shannon can hug me without bumping bellies or I don't look like I just delivered 2 weeks ago or isn't it great that I can see my feet again...part of me agrees, but part of me feels a little empty because I miss it.

1 comment:

Pam said...

Totally normal emotional roller coaster! Even if the twins had waited to come and you were holding them at home, you would be experiencing this "separation" feeling. We get used to carrying them, feeling them move inside of us and they are always just a "kick" away. It will get better JoLynn! Feel my hug............ Shannon, pick her up and kiss her all over and make her giggle! Life is good! The twins are doing good! Everyone is healthy and moving forward! Yay you! Wish I was there ! Pam